You Don't Want To Be Liked...You Want To Be Loved!

The Cost of Being Liked

As leaders, the desire to be liked can manifest in ways that undermine our effectiveness and personal well-being:

• Saying Yes to Everything: It’s tempting to accommodate every request, but overcommitment leads to burnout. More importantly, it sets a precedent that others can prioritize their needs over your boundaries or the company's goals.
• Avoiding Hard Conversations: Whether it’s giving feedback or addressing conflict, avoiding tough discussions leads to unresolved issues that fester over time.
• Letting Boundaries Slip: Consistently bending to meet others’ demands often means sacrificing your priorities and values.  
• Letting Things Slide: Overlooking problems in the name of keeping the peace often creates larger issues down the road.

Being liked often comes with the illusion of harmony, but it’s often achieved at the expense of your own growth, values, and, sometimes, the health of your team or organization.

The Shift Toward Being Loved

Leadership isn’t about being everyone’s favorite. It’s about earning respect, fostering trust, and inspiring loyalty—all of which come from doing the hard things that “likability” might shy away from:

1. Saying No: Boundaries are essential. Saying no, when appropriate, communicates clarity and conviction. It also makes your "yes" more meaningful.  
2. Embracing Boundaries: Setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s a way of protecting what matters most—your time, energy, and values.
3. Having Hard Conversations: Whether it’s offering constructive feedback or addressing conflict, these discussions build trust and show you care enough to be honest.
4. Standing Up for Yourself: Advocacy isn’t just about protecting yourself; it’s also about modeling self-respect for those you lead.

When you step into these practices, something remarkable happens: your “real ones” emerge. These are the people who respect and admire you, not just for what you do, but for who you are. They’re the ones who will love you—not in a sentimental sense, but in a deep, enduring way that strengthens your leadership and fosters meaningful relationships.

Leadership That Transcends

The goal in leadership—and life—is not to be liked. It’s to be loved in a way that resonates with your values, aligns with your mission, and strengthens those around you.

Being loved means standing firm in who you are, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means making decisions with integrity, even when they’re unpopular. It means creating an environment where people respect you not because you’re agreeable, but because you’re authentic.

The shift from being liked to being loved isn’t easy, but it’s transformational. And the impact you’ll have—as a leader, a colleague, and a person—will be far more enduring.

So, the next time you’re tempted to say yes when you mean no, or to avoid a difficult conversation in favor of keeping the peace, pause and ask yourself: am I aiming to be liked, or am I striving to be loved?

Choose love. Choose authenticity. Choose leadership that lasts.

Shoutout to Sahil Bloom

Ryan Giles